On A Break

So, today you and your guy come to the painful conclusion that you are poison for each other.  You love each other but continue to hurt each other.  So the break begins.  And wow it hurts.  You've never broken up with someone that you loved before.  By the time the last breakups occurred, you hated him already.  Breaking up was a relief!  So this is new and it feels terrible.  But you know it's right.  And if you are meant to be with them, then you will find your way back to each other someday.  In the meantime, what the hell do you tell your kid that care about him?  Your family?  Your friends?  When you are someone who likes to keep private things private it is hard when something like that happened and people will wonder where he went.  But such as life and it sucks so when you finalize the breakup you will tell only those who ask.  You still talk.  He still is giving you money to help catch up on bills.  But when will he be moving his stuff out?  When do you have to figure out what you keep and what he keeps?  Fuck this shit.  This is hard.  I know I said I would blog about funny stuff too but I can't seem to find the humor in anything right now.  And the only person who can make me smile is my daughter.  And tomorrow is PA day for her which means she doesn't have school and she was invited to a sleepover.  Which leaves me in a big empty house all alone.  Yikes.  This sucks big time.  It sucks big hairy sweaty balls.  Guess a drink or five might be in order.  Whilst watching Y&R and doing laundry.  Cheers

Damn I need a drink

What defines an alcoholic?  No really, I'm asking you, what does it take to be an alcoholic?  Is it when you feel you need to get tipsy whenever you are out at a pub or bar or club?  Is it when you get one evening every two weeks where you have no kids and no work and you just want to let loose?  Is it when sometimes all you want is a one drink after working until 11pm and needing a quick way to chill out and get sleepy (note: kids are at their dad's)?  Is it when you feel the need to have one during almost any adult gathering?  Maybe not if only one or two of these would be the case.   But all the above?  I think the combo might make you "kind of" an alcoholic.  I say that with quotes because I know what hard core alcoholics are about.  I've had family members die over it and come on now, I watch Intervention.  That's crazy shit.  But I think that you definitely have alcohol dependency as well if you don't know when to always stop on any of the above mentioned occasions.  And when that happens, stand the fuck back.  You let out some stuff you've been holding in, some pretty sad or angry things that you have no problem discussing when alcohol takes away your inhibitions.  Things you thought you were over, things you thought you had let go.  But nope, look out person who wronged ya.  It's all coming out now.  Cuz guess what?  It still hurts that you stuck your face in between another chicks boobs and motorboated her in public.  It bothers you that they were IMing a chick they had been with years ago and was trying to set up a secret rendezvous for another roll in the hay which started after she commented on an FB status about how beautiful YOU are to them.  It really upsets you when you come across a 2 year old account that they signed up for to have secret meeting with other women for no-strings-attached sex after just moving in with you and sending out emails to 2 random chicks for a hookup.  Yes, you believe them that no sex with anyone else was actually had, and you may even believe that they don't remember this old account they made (which wasn't active a week after it was created), but OUCH.  That fucking hurts.  And after fighting about these things over the years, and the promise to them that you are over it yet still bringing it up especially after drinking, can cause some tenstion.  And some resentment and do not forget some hurt feelings.  Wow, this can really upset a person just rehashing this crap.  This can drive a person to have a drink so they can get to bed and actually sleep for a bit.  More on this tomorrow.  Maybe.